{Photo Credit}

Confession: The last few days around here have been less than peaceful.  It’s been a whirlwind with the toddler and lacking in compassion, love, and patience.

I can blame the craziness on things, but I’m not sure that it holds any weight.  Sure, she’s vying for attention now that she has a baby brother.  Sure, she’s on the verge of three and as I’ve heard three is so much worse than two.  Sure, she’s old enough to know better but still wants to test her limits.  Sure, she wants autonomy.

Really though, I’m the adult here and I can process all of this stuff going on.  I can be more aware of it all.  I can be present with her.  I can show her compassion, love, and patience so that she will show it back to me and others.

I can let go of yesterday.

I did when I went up to her this morning looked her in the eyes and said, “I love you.  You’re a cool kid.”  She smiled at me kind of shyly and then I pointed at her.  She pointed back and made a funny face.  We did this back and forth making faces and pointing all around in silence.  We made a connection, a silly little connection.

I’m ready to start anew.

October 8th as I was doing bed time routine with Val and getting her bath ready, I lost my mucus plug.  Excited and nervous I called my midwife since I didn’t lose it until active labor the first time around.  She said that it would be soon but not imment, so go about my night and call if anything starts over night.

Of course, that night Val fought us to go to sleep and I think we all fell asleep a little after midnight.  Around 1:30, I woke up feeling crampy.  I didn’t think too much of it because that had been happening on and off for a week.  I figured it would stop like all the others, but then I got a few contractions that I knew were the real deal.  I woke James up at 2 and told him to call his mom so she could come stay with Val.

Our bags were already waiting in the van, so once my mother-in-law arrived we were on our way.  Our drive to the birth center was 1 1/2 hours long, and I was nervous about the drive.  But we talked, looked at the dark clear sky of stars, and every 4-8 minutes I had a contraction.

When we got to the birth center, Jill was waiting for us and filling out paperwork.  I had a contraction at the door that I had to stop and breath through and then we picked our birthing room and settled in.  I went right to the bed and laid on my side through contractions.  I was there about 30 minutes when she checked me and I was 3cm dialated and fully effaced.  I was discouraged a little because my contractions were hard and often, but she said with a second time mom that I would fully dialate fast.

I did.  Within another 30 minutes I was at 8cm and pushy.  At this point, it’s all kind of a blur.  I know I pushed on my back, side, all fours, on the toilet, and Jill checked me a few times and I wasn’t making progress.  I’m talking hours of pushing here without progress.  She brought up the word “transfer.”  After all my affirmations during pushing, “I can birth this baby.”  ”I can do this.”  I thought, “I can’t do this.  Just bring me to the hospital for a c-section.”  Really, what she wanted to do was bring me to the hospital for a vacuum assist vaginal birth.  I just wanted him out.

The transfer there was not pleasant – laying on my side in the van, a ride in a wheel chair through the hospital while contracting (and wanting to push), but eventually I made it to a room and they asked questions, hooked me to IVs, and prodded me with needles and stuff.

They had to call in a Dr. who does VBACs and get a surgical team on staff just in case the vacuum didn’t work.  The Dr. attempted a vacuum when Val was being born and we failed, so I was really apprehensive and wanted to be ready for a c-section.  I asked for a spinal and within a few minutes of receiving it, I was pushing with the Dr. using the vacuum.  Many nurses were around me encouraging me, along with my lovely midwife, and James right next to me.

He came out after 2 or 3 pushes with the vacuum and put right to my chest.  James jumped up and down with tears in his eyes, I cried, and laughed, and listened to his little cries.  A quick and unexpected turn in the labor but WE DID IT!  11:40am on 10-9-11 he was born.

It seemed like I was being stitched forever (I probably was.. I had a 3rd degree tear).  Luckily, I got to the hold him for a long time, nurse him, and even let Daddy cuddle him before he was weighed.  It kept my mind on him and not on me.

I shook for like an hour after his birth, and I shook during the labor too.  I never got into the tub like I wanted to because I wasn’t very steady on my feet and didn’t feel comfortable crawling into a big tub.

He latched like a champ like his big sister, he slept so much that I woke him for feedings, we got to room in and the bed was so nice and big that James could stay right with us.  I only stayed for a little over 12 hours, and then we were off on our way to be a family of 4.

After 2 weeks, I am feeling great and almost back to normal, AJ is still a little champ at nursing and sleeping, and we are all adjusting really well to our new life.

**Edited to add: This birth was, in so many ways, healing to me.  I felt like such a failure after Val’s birth since it was a c-section.  I was so close to having her vaginal, but I didn’t do it.  I always wondered, “Was it the demerol I took?  What if I kept walking around during my intense contractions?  What if I tried different positions?  Why didn’t I speak up for what I wanted?  Why didn’t I have a doula?”

AJ being “stuck” in the same position was, in a weird way, affirming to me that even laboring the way I wanted – moving, in a peaceful environment, drug-free didn’t get him out.  My whole pregnancy and my labor was very empowering.  I was in charge.  I had choices with the midwife.  All of the choices I made I understood the risks and the benefits.  I contemplated, researched, and made my decisions and stood behind them.  That alone made this whole process so very rewarding to me.

Even though I had help birthing him, I birthed him.  I healed a lot from Val’s birth, I learned in this birth, and I am so grateful for experiencing it all.

Recently, J put up countdowns on our whiteboard in the kitchen so we check it with excitement every morning.  Today it reads… 30 days until we close on our homestead.  52 days until baby is expected.  Oh my goodness!!

There’s still so much to do.  Our house needs a new roof, the walls need paint, and all of our things need to be packed.  And the baby will be here soon afterwards, so I need to pack by bag making sure I have all of the things I need for birthing and the first few days/weeks at home.

More canning needs to be done, jelly needs to be made, and the garden need attention.  I think more freezer meals need to be made so I don’t have to worry as much about cooking with a brand new baby and a toddler adjusting to her new role as big sister.

It’ll get done, but some days my nesting instinct sure makes me believe I can be super woman and do it all RIGHT NOW.

{this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.  Inspired by soulemama.

We went out to my parent’s house yesterday, where our garden is.  I spent time out there inspecting, weeding a little bit, and even harvesting the first of the lettuce.  I just love my time out there and I can’t wait to be living in my own place in the country (soon… soon)!

Most things in the garden are doing really well!  The potatoes are huge but have potato bugs, so J was out picking those.  Our peas, beans, carrots, and broccoli are really sporadic and I’m not sure why, but we’ll eat what we get.

Our tomatoes, peppers, and onions are all strong and we have itty bitty tomatoes and peppers growing.

Luckily, my mom planted cucumbers because I think ours were a bust.  I know our zucchini is big though!

And I’m growing too!  I’ll be 27 weeks pregnant tomorrow!

Do you ever just want to freeze time?  A tiny little moment that seems so perfect that you want to stay in it and savor it just for a while longer?

That happened to me last night.

We had rode our bikes to the river, and had been there awhile when a song started – really.  The bullfrogs started their deep, low song on the surrounding banks of the river.  All while the sun was hanging pretty low in the sky and a cloud hung beside it looking like a whispy feather.  The bugs were skating on top of the water, the air was cool but smelled of summer, and my husband was squatting down by my daughter while they talked about the rocks she was tossing with little “plunks” into the still water.  I stood above them on the road and took it all in.

Amongst the chaos of the day today  (laundry, packing, planning, toddler independence, and whatever else may come up along the way), I may just slip back to that moment a few more times to take it in.

I missed my Welcome to my Home Wednesday post yesterday because we had our ultrasound appointment, met up with a friend, and shared our ultrasound news.

I am now 22 weeks pregnant (measuring a little ahead but no official change to my due date).  This pregnancy has been so different – in the beginning I was beyond exhausted.  I would wake up and rest, eat when I could, nap with Val during the day, and hope to have the energy (or the stomach) to cook dinner.  Thank goodness for the 2nd trimester!

Besides feeling larger than last time around, I have my energy back.  I’ve been cooking and baking and enjoying food again.  I don’t need naps during the day anymore (although I still take them if I can) and I’ve been delving into Hypnobirthing.

So.. the ultrasound!  We found out the placenta is in a good place for a VBAC, the baby is healthy and has all its parts, and it’s a BOY.

As far as the house, it needs a lot more work than we anticipated.  We are awaiting an answer on our counter offer now, but we should know soon!!  I’ll keep you posted!!

So what’s been happening around here?  Here’s a picture update!

]]> http://www.makingahomeandfamily.com/2011/04/12/picture-update/feed/ 2 http://www.makingahomeandfamily.com/2011/03/23/welcome-to-my-home-wednesday-hooping/ http://www.makingahomeandfamily.com/2011/03/23/welcome-to-my-home-wednesday-hooping/#comments Wed, 23 Mar 2011 14:09:09 +0000 Jennie http://www.makingahomeandfamily.com/?p=748

I was invited to a MOPs group yesterday to lead them through a hula hooping workshop.  How cool is that?!  I am not the best hooper – I just dabble, but it is so much fun.  Much more fun in the sunshine and barefoot in the grass so hopefully I can hoop with a growing belly.

Anyway!

The workshop was so much fun.  Why didn’t I go to MOPs before?!  All of the women are so nice and inviting and they seemed to have a good time building and decorating hoops.  The bad part, we ran out of time to actually hoop!  We are planning a playdate at the park when it’s warmer so we can hoop together.

Have you tried hooping as an adult?  Make your own hoop for cheap, don’t use your kids they are too light and small for us, and crank the music.  It’s such a playful exercise!