Not many people know this me, and it is even hard for me to talk about online with people that I don’t know IRL (in real life).  I am TTC (trying to conceive), and it has been a lot harder than I ever expected it to be.

I had been off of birth control pills for almost a year and a half, using the temp and cervical fluid method from the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility.  I have been charting for 5 months and with babymaking in mind, we have been sure to DTD (do the deed) with ovulation in mind and every month we thought for sure this month it had to have worked.

Not so much luck yet.  My husband actually hid the thermometer on me for awhile, and I didn’t chart this month.  I was aware of my CM, and I found the thermometer in time to track the shift to show I did actually ovulate.  We DTD in the correct time frame, and I am sure that I am within a day of my period.  The looming devastation of it it horrible.  If I thought I hated Aunt Flo as a teenager, I had no idea.   Every time it shows up now, I feel like a failure.  Like my body let me down.  I sit and wonder about timing, something wrong with me, something wrong with him, it just isn’t the time?

It will happen just on its own time, I guess.  My affirmation until then ~ “My body and mind are prepared for and accept pregnancy and motherhood.”